Matthew 15:24: “He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.”
I read this verse and I stopped and asked God, “what exactly do you want me to see in this verse? How is this important to my life right now?” This is how I always like to study God’s word. It’s much better than a self-help book, it’s a God help book. I’ve found answers to so many of my questions in this book, when I read it with God. It can be a bit confusing if I don’t include Him in the story. Since, ultimately, He is the one who wrote it. So I sit alone with this verse for a few moments, waiting for God so speak to my heart. It takes a few minutes sometimes, due to the mass of thoughts that are still running through my mind, all of the things that I need to do, the things that I didn’t finish, the text after text that keep coming through my phone for various reasons, with all of the thoughts and distractions, I hear his voice how? Good grief. I’m kind of glad that I’m writing this because it helps me understand so much. I’m lost. “Jesus save me. If you came for the lost sheep of Israel, then here I am. I am yours, yet have lost my way, in a sense. I’m still following you, however I keep stepping off track a bit. This path you’re on is so narrow.” That’s no joke. This Christian lifestyle is nothing that I had imagined it to be. At one time I thought that once I became a christian that my life would all of a sudden be filled with happiness and my troubles wouldn’t affect me anymore. If I had problems I would pray and He would answer my prayers, because that is what His “word” says. Right? NOT AT ALL! My problems did not disappear, in fact, there seems to be a lot more of them now. When I pray, He answers, but not at all like I would imagine that He would. How silly I was for thinking that when I pray for patience that He would just give me patience. But no, He gives me opportunities to exercise patience, many opportunities. 🙂 Should I be afraid to pray? HA, at one time, I kind of was. Because the way that God was answering my prayers was tough for me and it was a lot of work on my part. I would think, “Doesn’t He realize how tired I am and that I would just like the patience to deal with the lovely people and circumstances that I should be thanking Him for placing into my life?” Now looking back, I laugh. Wow, is our God patient and me, not so much. He is still giving me opportunities to exercise my patience. Sometimes, I feel like I do ok and sometimes I don’t. Without Him, I’m lost. I need His guidance in my life every day, in each moment. Don’t we all? We are his sheep and when we get lost, he is here to lead us.
I can’t even turn on the news anymore. It breaks my heart to see what we’ve become, as a society. Why? In the end, when we live as if it doesn’t matter we are the ones that aren’t truly living. Looking back through my journals I found a poem that I wrote on April 5,2010:
Tears fall from my eyes, my heart flooded with pain
Thoughts of this wounded world parading through my mind
How come we’re treated so differently, when we’re pretty much the same?
Does it really matter where we live? What we have? Or who we are inside?
Does it matter how much money we have or the type of clothes that we wear?
Or the car that we drive? Or how popular we are?
Does anybody see the pain? Does anybody care?
Or is it just easier to ignore the truth, and go have a drink at the bar?
A place where there are again so many searching for
happiness, acceptance, feeling of importance, a shield from the storm
those without the “one true love” are always searching for more
Growing tired of escaping, or worse, excepting this reality as “the norm”
It’s a thing called life, things happen, it’s no big deal
Does it have to be this way? Why do we except this reality?
Some are alone, some abused, some don’t know where they’ll get their next meal
Why aren’t we all doing something? Why doesn’t everyone see?
This broken world happened because we’ve closed our eyes and looked the other way
While hearts are being broken, dreams shattered, people breathing but don’t have life
Why do we judge instead of love and not speaking to others because we don’t know what to say?
Aren’t we all on the same planet merely striving to get by?
What if everything you have, everyone you love, was taken away from you?
No one even gave you enough respect as a person to smile and say hello?
Would you continue to see the world the same or would this change your view?
With no family, no friends, no money, where would you go?
Everybody has a story to tell, so why can’t we all relate?
If we would all open our hearts to the one who gave us life, then maybe we could learn how to function as a society again. There’s enough food in the world so that no one should ever be hungry, yet we throw food away every day and then complain often of what we do have. While we are complaining someone is starving and usually from what I’ve experienced, they’re living more than we are and we could learn something from those that we look at and judge because of the way that they look. The story of the heart is what’s important and once we learn to open ours to Jesus and share His love, the world will be a better place. We may begin to see a little Heaven on earth and escape the Hell that we have all created.