September is Suicide Awareness Month

suicideawareness

Suicide is becoming more and more common, even amongst Christians.  Some may wonder, how could a Christian consider taking their own life when they know God personally?  Is that even possible?   How could life be so bad that anyone would want to take their own?  Why wouldn’t they just reach out?  These are a few questions that I used to ask myself and then one day a lot of them were answered as I, myself, considered the thought of suicide.  According to those around me I was so “lucky” or “blessed”!!  But they didn’t know the story of my heart.  They didn’t know how I feel so alone, even in a crowded room, that I feel like I don’t belong, and no one would really care if im gone.  “What’s my purpose here anyway?”  were the thoughts in my head.  I just didn’t feel “good enough” and so replaceable.  Emotions are strong, SO STRONG!!!  I also used to think that Suicide was an act of weekness, however later thought that it was act of strength as I considered how much better life would be if I weren’t in it, better for everyone else.  And then someone close to me took his own life.  The pain that I felt, knowing that I saw this man mostly every day.  I worked with him, for him actually.  He had a wife and beautiful children.  He smiled almost daily and I saw him the day that he decided would be his last.  I wondered what I could have done, said??  I often prayed for my job and the people that I work with, we were one big family that was broken by the acts of Suicide.  Shortly after this, another man that I trully admired most of my life, took his life too.  I’ve seen what the acts of Suicide does to those in the life of the one who takes their own, and I’ve felt the saddness, the maddness, the despire, grief, loss that is part of this package.  Im sure a lot of you can relate, altough none of us wants to talk about it.  We are ashamed too.  Why?  Why are we afraid to tell the stories of our hearts?  Maybe afraid of being judged, for being real.  We continue to walk through life blindfolded by the reality that the story of our hearts is what connects us to each other.  This fake costume that we often wear, holds us back from experiencing something so beautiful.  Because beautiful things come from opening our hearts to share our “darkest” parts and allowing Christ inside to heal and connect us to each other, here hope happens!  As I’m writing this I keep hearing God tell me to read Proverbs Chapter 20 because he has something to say.  I will do that now….

Verse 5 says “The purposes of a person’t heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.”  then verse 6 says “many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person, who can find?”  Verse 9 “Who can say, I have kept my heart pure, I am clean and without sin?”  These verses together explain a lot.  God is truly the only one that fully understands the story of our hearts.  And I know that he works through “insightful people” to speak life to “dieing souls”.  But guess what?  These insightful people that God works through, are human, have sinned, and have had life experiences where God has shown himself in their own dark places so now, they can help another by giving hope, offering compassion and sharing the love that Christ offers us all.  Togetherness – when we are the ones in a dark place, we need an “insightful person” to encourage us, walk along beside us, comfort us.  Yes, Christ is our ultimate comforter,  he also intended for us to comfort each other, to stick close together.  The church is known as the “body of Christ”  We are one!  After we experience this life changing connectedness and acceptedness, it’s our turn to help another.  We experience things so that we understand enough to help another.  And God places people along our path to help us, just as he places us in someone else’s path, to help them.  The really cool thing is, is either way, we are all helping ourselves at the same time.  We long to belong, to connect, to be accepted, and most of all to be loved.  So what do we do as a society, as christians?  How do we help?  Verse 24 “A person’s steps are directed by the Lord, how then can anyone understand their own way?”  Let’s start by trusting God to guide us, without him we are lost!!!  And let’s stop judging each other and ourselves so much, understanding that only God knows the true story of our heart and the life’s experiences that we all have been through.  He is the one who also knows where these life’s experiences are going to take us and what joy it will bring along the way.  We just have to trust him!!  We must receive what he has for us!!!  Believing isn’t enough, if we don’t trully receive it.

Please know that you are NEVER alone and taking your life is NEVER the answer.  Open your heart to Christ and pray that he will send you the right person to walk with you through your tough times.  Talk about it. Pray about it and open your bible.  Ask God to guide you to the verses that will speak life to you now.  I pray that whoever reads this will become aware that Suicide is real and so is God.  He gives life, and He makes beautiful things come from ugly experiences when we trust him to.