Dear Child… Trust me… Love, God

Dear child,

Slow down, everything is going to be ok.  Enjoy your life!!!  I love you!  Do what you can do and I’ll take care of the rest.  Focus on your blessings, I already know what you need.  Your problems are in my hands, let go of them.  When you feel alone, come to me.  People will disappoint you, love them anyway.  I will never disappoint you!  Let me have control of your life, just let go and let me take care of you.  Let me love you, the way that only I can love you.  Let the seasons play their part, enjoying each moment.  They all serve a purpose.  You don’t need to figure everything out, stop trying, you are just going to frustrate yourself because you’ll never understand it all.  I have your best interest in mind and I have a plan for you.  I know where your heart is and I’m proud of you, my child.  Keep seeking me!  Believe in my promises and let your light shine!  Don’t cover it with the darkness of this world!  My spirit lives in you, you have NOTHING to fear and EVERYTHING to gain.  I love you and my love NEVER fails!

LOVE,

your Heavenly Father

The Battles that I Face

As I’m sitting here on my patio on a cool fall evening in Orlando FL, which means its in the low 70’s :), I’m reflecting back on my morning.  I went to church, as I usually do on Sundays .  This morning I stopped to give a friend a ride and I also had with me my daughter, and we picked up her boyfriend as well.  As we drove along, I asked my friend how she was doing?  How she was feeling?  I knew that she had a few health problems, but she always has a smile on her face so it’s hard to tell.  What I expected was “fine” “how are you?” and that’s what I got initially.  But I sensed something more.  I asked again, “so how are you feeling?”  and the story that she told me blew me away.  She had recently almost lost her life, and she began to tell me her story.  The details spoke volumes of how amazing our God is.  Her words gave hope.  Her strength is incredible.  By looking at her you would have no idea of her story.  And this made me think, how many people around us do we REALLY know?  Maybe we don’t know their hearts because we haven’t taken the time to know their story and who they are and why.  Our conversation to church helped me see how sometimes God uses this story of ours to inspire others, because she was inspiring me and I don’t think that she even knew.  To hear her story, while the smile across her face seems permanent, makes no sense whatsoever.  How can someone go through so much and be filled with so much joy?  She was!  She is!  We went into the church service and ended up going in different directions.  My friend went inside, my daughter and her boyfriend to the youth class, and I met up with another friend of mine.  The worship music was amazing, as it usually is and this morning they sang my favorite song, my life-theme song “Oceans (Where feet may fail)” and I could feel the Holy Spirit fill my soul opening my heart to receive God’s perfect love and my mind to receive the wisdom that He has for me.  I feel like this is my vacation time, surrounded by friends and family, not blood family, but my spiritual family.  The ones that choose to love me and support me and walk with me down this path of life.  Our message was titled “Overcoming the Enemy”.

“It’s a mistake to only think about the devil all of the time and it’s a mistake to never think about him at all,”  were the words that the pastor spoke and then my mind began to wonder as it often does.  I prayed to God to speak to me through the message and this is what He said:

“There is a glory in our lives and it’s found in our story.  It’s in our story that His glory is seen, bringing life to our hearts and hope for others.  It provides healing by revealing His perfect peace in our darkest storm.  Then we can see His light of truth even while the dark lies of the enemy flood our minds.  We do this by praying.  Prayer impacts things we don’t see and things we don’t understand.  It also opens our minds to accept the gentle words that God is whispering to our hearts, His truths and His promises.  Therefore cancelling the lies that are screamed at us often. The enemy only comes to bring confusion to a place of perfect paradise.  When God is at work in our lives, the enemy waits for an opportunity to pause or stop this work in us, and in our lives and circumstances by occupying space in our minds.  These things that we allow to occupy space in our minds plant a seed in our hearts.  Those seeds grow and impact our lives, as well as the lives of those close to us and those placed along our path each day.  Is it really important what we think?  Is it really important what we say?  It is and it is!  It’s very important! We must be alert and aware of the schemes of our enemy as well as aware of the power of our God and the power that He has given us.  He who is in us is greater than he who’s in the world, but STAY ALERT!  And remember, when Jesus comes into the story EVERYTHING CHANGES.”

How do we stand against the schemes of the devil?  The answer to this is found in Ephesians Chapter 6:11-18:  Verse 11 NIV reads, “Put on your full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.”

The Armor of God consists of:

Belt of truth
Breastplate of righteousness
Feet fitted with the gospel of peace
Shield of faith
Helmet of Salvation
Sword of the Spirit, the word of God

This is a message all of it’s own, but in summary, we face the battles of life having faith in our loving God, accepting the Salvation offered through His Son and receiving His perfect peace in the midst of our total chaos filled moments.  We fight the lies by meditating on God’s truths and following the voice of the Holy Spirit.  And we do what is right, rather than what we feel like doing.  This sounds so simple.  But is it?  I haven’t found it to be.  But I have found it to be worth it all.  God has a plan in each of our lives.  This service touched my heart today and I’ve read these verses many times.  Since leaving church I watched God fill the hearts of those close to me as well as my own.  It’s at times like this that I feel like I can take on the world.  And when I lose this perception, I also lose my way.  At those times my emotions become the battle that I face and without the Armor of God, that can be a dark place.  Especially when my enemy is ready to take me down.  Let’s remember when we get up each morning as we are getting ready for what our day brings, to put on the Armor of God and get ready for battle.

God’s Love Story for Me

This goes out to all of the single ladies, girls, men, and boys.  Looking for that special someone to enjoy our lives with can be quite a challenge.  I’ve been married before.  I got divorced after 11 years and 3 separations from this one man.  God was never the center of our marriage and it failed horribly, no matter how hard we tried on our own.  Since the divorce, I had one long relationship, which also did not have God in and it failed after 2 1/2 years.  We did not get married, at least.  I’ve since been quite “picky” about what I’m looking for and I’ve now been single for quite a few years.  I have gone out on dates and the first thing that I look for is a man of God, who is faithful, and will point me to Him.  I feel that if someone is in love with Christ, then he will know how to love me.  I also prayed one day and God spoke to me in the form of this little poem that I’d like to share with you:

Your heart is scarred and you’re afraid so until you can fully trust another, keep your trust in me
Fear blocks the gifts that I’m sending your way, The only way to live is to just “let it be”
For now and always, learn to live each day, looking for me and my blessings and you will see
People and circumstances in a different way, by opening your heart and setting healthy boundaries
No steel wall is needed, I’ve also taken the chains away, you no longer live in bondage, I have set you free
Open your heart to my love then give it away, Instead of surrounding your heart with a steel wall, fill your heart with me.

I’ve learned that I need to get to know my true identity by getting to know my God.  The closer that I get to him, the more I see who I really am, as well as who He really is.  I never knew that I could be so content, being single, but it’s because I’m not alone and the one romancing my heart is the one who created it.  I do want someone special to share my life with and I know that in God’s timing this can happen for me.  Until then, I’ll stand tall in my faith and keep my standards up, because I’ve come so far and I’m not going back.  I will move  forward and this time Christ will be the foundation of our relationship.  My new man will love me like Christ loves the church, this is what I’ve prayed for.  And I will be His proverbs 31 woman.  Maybe God has a lot more to do in me, before I’m ready for that role.  But I know that God is in the process of writing my love story and he’s also writing yours,  Trust Him.

Our beautiful Journey Begins

Life isn’t always easy and the road may seem rough and long
Even though we may approach a shortcut, we must stay on this road we’re on
It may get steep and difficult to climb, but with each step we get stronger
We can’t wait to get to the top and once we do realize the road is even longer
So we may pick up the pace and go a little faster and then trip and fall
Then take even more time to medicate and bandage our wounds, this didn’t speed things up at all.
We pass others on this race with a quick smile and hello
We don’t have time for conversation, we have somewhere to go
we think, “Keep your eye on the prize, don’t lose focus, just get to the finish line”
“No time for rest, no time for food or a drink, not now, no time”
Even though you’re getting weak, which causes you to trip and fall again
This time you don’t even take time to medicate and bandage, you will, when you get to the end.
Determined to win this race, no matter how tough it may be
You pass by a few more on your journey, pretending you don’t see
Up ahead you see a crystal clear spring and think about stopping for a taste
But then decide to keep moving forward thinking, “Gotta finish this race.”
Growing hungry, and in a fruit tree close in sight
The fruit looks delicious, would give strength, so appealing to the eyes
But you don’t stop, you’re almost there, don’t give up just yet
Happiness will come on that blessed day, “My rewards will be great, I bet.”
“Because no matter what, I kept going, God will be proud of me.”
“This journey is not fun, but it will be worth it, I know it will be.”
Growing tired, hungry, thirsty, your strenth is almost gone.
You fall to your knees and pray to God to just bring you home
This road is too long, you feel like you can’t go on anymore
You lie down where you are and in a dream you hear a knock on the door
When you open the door, Jesus stands asking you to let him in
He says, “There is a better way than this, let me show you, my friend.”
“It is not just a race with a prize waiting once you’ve crossed the finish line.”
“It’s a journey, a beautiful journey, and I will be with you the whole time.”
“I will show you the way and your life will never be the same.”
“Our Father, who is love, will be with us too, all we must do is call His name.”
“When you get hungry, He will proved a feast for you.”
“When you become thirsty, He will provide a cool drink for you too.”
“When you fall, I’m here to heal and restore, I’ll never leave your side.”
“On this journey, learn from me, let me change your mind.”
“It’s important that you understand things the way that I do.”
“It’s important that you understand God’s love for you.”
“You will meet others on this journey, take it together.”
“Help them the way that I’ll help you, we’re in this together.”
“Many may not understand just like you once had it wrong.”
“Still, our Father never left you, He was there all along.”
“Now with this new life, you have access to everything that you need”
“I’ve paid the price for you, all you need to do is believe.”
“Once you’ve taken this first step, your transformation will start.”
“Transforming the way you see things, the way you think, and what’s inside your heart.”
“I’m so excited you’ve accepted this precious gift, please share.”
“So that this chaotic race through life can become a jouous journey to people everywhere.”
“Just remember to take each step forward through love.”
“The love overflowing your heart from our Father up above.”
“Don’t hurry, don’t worry, I’m giving you a perfect peace.”
“So that no matter what struggles you face, you will overcome them with you and ease.”
“Keep you Faith in God, trust Him to get you through.”
“And remember that God always has and always will love you!!”
You wake up from this “dream” no longer hungry, thirsty, or tired
A feeling overshelmes your soul and you look around to admire
All of the beauty you didn’t notice berore, when you longed for this race to end.
Now you have a new life and your beautiful journey begins.

One Step at a Time

I wanna give all of myself to you
I wanna let go, I really do
I have faith, but I also fear
You feel so far away, but you’re near
I pray and I believe
But find it a bit difficult to see
Myself the way that you do
And to understand a love so true
Thank you for taking care of my heart
With you, each moment is a fresh start
When I trust you as I run this race
You wrap me in your mercy and grace
You whisper sweet words that touch my soul
Wherever you are, I wanna go
It may not be easy, and that OK
It may get rough, along the way
But your love is my fuel to stand tall
To get up, every time that I fall
Thank you for your perfect peace
That calms the storm inside of me
Transform me to be more like You
The things I say and the things I do
May they help others find hope in faith
To trust you more and not be afraid
I’ve experienced what it’s like to truly live
To receive your love and learn to forgive
Let go, look up, pray, smile, cry a little too
And take one step at a time with you 🙂

Women of Grace

God has done amazing things for my heart as I’ve experienced some of life’s most painful moments.  My story doesn’t argue religion.  What I have is deeper than that.  Religion, to me, set’s up a false expectation that the “right thing” is a list of rules, which sets us up for failure, as we judge each other and even ourselves for never being “good enough” yet “better” than those who don’t believe the way that we do.  Does that even make sense?  Does it make sense to dress up and smile, pretending that your life at home and work is “normal” when in reality you feel like you are dead inside, but can’t possibly let anyone around you know the truth?  Not that I don’t believe that it’s important to go to church.  I also feel that it’s important to be real.  I’ve learned that by opening my heart to God, he has asked me to share things about my story that I’d rather not.  In the past I would worry what others may think.  I almost stopped going to church because I didn’t feel like a “church person” yet my heart ached for this love that I started to experience as I joined others in my faith to be the body of Christ.  It’s so awesome to be part of a family, walking through life together, encouraging each other, lifting one another up, praying together, going to have a drink or two together, go out and serve in our community, in our world, allowing God to use us, to transform us, to open our eyes to what we have been missing.  God cares about what is inside of our hearts.  If you have this mindset as you read His word, then you will begin to experience the beauty of His grace.  As I begin to co lead a womens group at my church God spoke to me.  I kept thinking that once I got my life together, then I would be in a place so that God could use me.  What I didn’t understand was that He had a different plan.  He shined His light in some of my darkest moments and the beauty that emerged changed my life and His light can change yours to.  This poem was written for some beautiful women that I was blessed to get to know, women who have stories that many would never imagine, just by looking at them.  These women were once so broken, hope was almost an illusion, but I saw God’s light shine in their lives and watched them transform into beautiful women of grace.  It was healing, so healing for my soul.  He is our strength, the source of our love, and the one who knows all.  We don’t have to have our lives “together” before He can use us.  He’s God and He loves us so much!!  By surrendering to Him, our lives really begin to have meaning.

God has chosen to use broken, weak, sinful people to serve Him and fulfill His plan
When we open our minds to His truth and faithfully place our heart in His
hands
He removes the lies that are buried, he pulls them out by the root
They are gone, yet not forgotten.  They left a set of wounds.
God provides both peace and comfort, as the wounds begin to heal
He plants a seed of life, a seed of love that is so real.
As this love begins to grow, our transformation begins
What used to be a losing battle, we view as one we may win
The awakening is reviving to the dark and painful heart
Even though the pruning hurts, it has an important part
Once all of the bad is removed, the lies that fill the heart and mind
The love  can be absorbed, and what a treasure we will find.
No longer living by a heart that is rooted in shame
We finally have true life, we’ve been given a new name
We are faithful, lovable, beautiful, radiant, we are
and it is by the grace of God that we have come this far
Once buried in the lies, that now truth takes it’s place
Once we lived in shame, now we are women of grace.

Life with no complaining, is it possible? “God help me :)”

It’s been a few days since I’ve written. To be honest, it’s been a few days since I’ve read my bible too.  My life has gotten a bit hectic, and challenging and I started a new challenge with my youngest daughter, in which the goal is to not complain for 21 consecutive days.  I have been complaint free for 4 days.  I keep saying this out loud, as a reminder.  LOL.  It’s a lot more difficult than I thought and I thought that I was a pretty positive person.  The first 3 days of this challenge, I had to start over, time and time again.  I wear a bracelet and every time I complain I move it to the other arm, but after a successful 24 hour period I use my dry erase board on my bathroom mirror to record each day complaint free.  My mind is slowly changing as well.  I still think thoughts that I don’t repeat out loud at all, or pray for God to help me with my words.  Our words are soooooo powerful and so are our thoughts.  Not only do they shape our character and sometimes blind us from the truth of God, they also give life, and help us develop an intimately pure relationship with our creator.  Our words affect us and affect those around us.  So, I wanna ask you to join me in this challenge, to stop complaining and instead learn with me, how to have faith in God’s plan, how to listen to His voice, and choose our words wisely.  Let’s start focussing on how big our God is, instead of these challenges that come along.  Let’s stand up tall and strong, and move forward step, by step, with a smile on our faces because of the love in our hearts.  We can do this toghether, with Christ leading us.  Please feel free to leave comments on my posts containing your story, your successes, your struggles, let’s do this together.  Let’s learn what faith really means, trusting God completely.  Have a blessed day!

Poem for my Sister – HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHANIE

My sister and I live states apart from each other yet we are connected by prayer and in Spirit.  She is a beautiful single mother of 5 and has suffered a lot of health challenges including open heart surgery, seizures, and strokes.  She has kept her eyes on God and trusting His guidance, every step along the way.  It’s trully an inspiring thing to see.  I wrote this poem for my sister, Stephanie, around January of this year when Stephanie begin her toughest challenges after losing the use of the left side of her body due to strokes.  I was trying so hard to figure out a way to go see my family and as always, God made it happen and hasn’t healed Stephanie physically yet, however her faith is growing every day:

As I sit here thining about you, wishing there was something I could do
I pray and ask others to pray too, worry and frustrations clouding my view
I love you dearly, more than you know, you may feel alone, but that isn’t so
I close my eyes and hear Him tell me to let go, and not to worry about this today or tomorrow
He told me to look up the meaning of your name and I would see
I thought, “OK???” but when I did, it helped me believe
Stephanie means “crowned in victory” you will make it through this, this is what God showed me
We have to trust Him, He will be our everything!
We are His princesses, His children, He is the king of kings!
We both know the joy that His love brings, especially when we don’t understand what’s happening
I may not be physically beside you now, but you are in my heart and I will get there someway, some how
I’m persistent, like you, won’t be stopped, just slowed down
Can’t wait to see you!  Love you sweet lady, put on your crown!!

Stephanie, you are so amazingly strong!!  You are a true representation of what prayer can do and your story touches so many hearts.  I ask anyone reading this blog to pray for my sister Stephanie and her children, that God will continue to work in their lives.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO STEPHANIE!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!

September is Suicide Awareness Month

Suicide is becoming more and more common, even amongst Christians.  Some may wonder, how could a Christian consider taking their own life when they know God personally?  Is that even possible?   How could life be so bad that anyone would want to take their own?  Why wouldn’t they just reach out?  These are a few questions that I used to ask myself and then one day a lot of them were answered as I, myself, considered the thought of suicide.  According to those around me I was so “lucky” or “blessed”!!  But they didn’t know the story of my heart.  They didn’t know how I feel so alone, even in a crowded room, that I feel like I don’t belong, and no one would really care if im gone.  “What’s my purpose here anyway?”  were the thoughts in my head.  I just didn’t feel “good enough” and so replaceable.  Emotions are strong, SO STRONG!!!  I also used to think that Suicide was an act of weekness, however later thought that it was act of strength as I considered how much better life would be if I weren’t in it, better for everyone else.  And then someone close to me took his own life.  The pain that I felt, knowing that I saw this man mostly every day.  I worked with him, for him actually.  He had a wife and beautiful children.  He smiled almost daily and I saw him the day that he decided would be his last.  I wondered what I could have done, said??  I often prayed for my job and the people that I work with, we were one big family that was broken by the acts of Suicide.  Shortly after this, another man that I trully admired most of my life, took his life too.  I’ve seen what the acts of Suicide does to those in the life of the one who takes their own, and I’ve felt the saddness, the maddness, the despire, grief, loss that is part of this package.  Im sure a lot of you can relate, altough none of us wants to talk about it.  We are ashamed too.  Why?  Why are we afraid to tell the stories of our hearts?  Maybe afraid of being judged, for being real.  We continue to walk through life blindfolded by the reality that the story of our hearts is what connects us to each other.  This fake costume that we often wear, holds us back from experiencing something so beautiful.  Because beautiful things come from opening our hearts to share our “darkest” parts and allowing Christ inside to heal and connect us to each other, here hope happens!  As I’m writing this I keep hearing God tell me to read Proverbs Chapter 20 because he has something to say.  I will do that now….

Verse 5 says “The purposes of a person’t heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.”  then verse 6 says “many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person, who can find?”  Verse 9 “Who can say, I have kept my heart pure, I am clean and without sin?”  These verses together explain a lot.  God is truly the only one that fully understands the story of our hearts.  And I know that he works through “insightful people” to speak life to “dieing souls”.  But guess what?  These insightful people that God works through, are human, have sinned, and have had life experiences where God has shown himself in their own dark places so now, they can help another by giving hope, offering compassion and sharing the love that Christ offers us all.  Togetherness – when we are the ones in a dark place, we need an “insightful person” to encourage us, walk along beside us, comfort us.  Yes, Christ is our ultimate comforter,  he also intended for us to comfort each other, to stick close together.  The church is known as the “body of Christ”  We are one!  After we experience this life changing connectedness and acceptedness, it’s our turn to help another.  We experience things so that we understand enough to help another.  And God places people along our path to help us, just as he places us in someone else’s path, to help them.  The really cool thing is, is either way, we are all helping ourselves at the same time.  We long to belong, to connect, to be accepted, and most of all to be loved.  So what do we do as a society, as christians?  How do we help?  Verse 24 “A person’s steps are directed by the Lord, how then can anyone understand their own way?”  Let’s start by trusting God to guide us, without him we are lost!!!  And let’s stop judging each other and ourselves so much, understanding that only God knows the true story of our heart and the life’s experiences that we all have been through.  He is the one who also knows where these life’s experiences are going to take us and what joy it will bring along the way.  We just have to trust him!!  We must receive what he has for us!!!  Believing isn’t enough, if we don’t trully receive it.

Please know that you are NEVER alone and taking your life is NEVER the answer.  Open your heart to Christ and pray that he will send you the right person to walk with you through your tough times.  Talk about it. Pray about it and open your bible.  Ask God to guide you to the verses that will speak life to you now.  I pray that whoever reads this will become aware that Suicide is real and so is God.  He gives life, and He makes beautiful things come from ugly experiences when we trust him to.

The Fight for Love

One day I was sitting alone in my apartment having a conversation with God.  Once again, many, many questions filled my mind.  I have included a prayer from my journal, written April 14,2013.  I titled my prayer to him, “The fight for love”:

“I hear the truth in your word.  I know it, in my heart
Still, lies fill my head, damage my soul and tear me apart
I search for myself, and I search for you
Both seem tucked away, out of reach, not in view
You say that you never leave me, you are always near
Yet, I don’t see you or feel you, are you really here?
I know of your love and your mercy and your grace.
Yet here I am again, in this dark and lonely place
the passion is hidden underneath the hurt and the pain
Where the sun used to shine, now is only rain
The tears fall, but no one sees the story of my heart
I need love too!  Lots of love!  A purpose and a part!
I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough or wouldn’t be missed
My heart aches to be held, to be cherished, hugged and kissed.
It’s hard to keep giving, although I really try
when I’ve nothing left to give because I’m so empty inside
I don’t wanna give up, this battle is not mine
you has already won it for me, Christ is the ultimate sacrifice
I don’t understand it all, my purpose and Your plan
But I will have faith in You, stand up and take Your hand.
Your love has never failed me and I know I’m on my way
God take the lies, whisper your truth, comfort me today
Protect me, guide me, equip me for this fight
the fight for love, in a dark world, let me be a light.”

My prayers don’t usually come out in the form of poem, but have on a few occasions.  This was God’s reply to me, and I titled it “Love is here to Stay”:

“The truth is my word and it lives inside your heart
Keep your focus on me, stand up and do your part
Keep searching for yourself, by searching for me
The closer you get, the more you will see
I will never leave you.  I never have, I never will
Even when you walk away, where you go, I’ll be there, still
You know of my love, and my mercy and my grace
your heart has been on quite a journey, which brings you to this place
You feel the pain for those that you pray for as well as your own
It’s your hearts passion to help others know that they are not alone.
The tears fall, and others have been touched by the story of your heart
You need love too, It’s right here, accept it, that’s your part
you are more than you are excepting yourself to be
Stop living on your own, you gave yourself to me
You can’t keep giving if you don’t first have faith in my love
Soak it up, take it in, then it will release, like a dove
flying freely, a love so pure, to share with those you meet
this is your purpose every day… Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.
You don’t understand everything that I have in store
I promise if you have faith in me it will be so much more
More than you have yet imagined, Has my love failed you yet?
It will never fail you!  For life, you are set!
I promise if you keep going, you will reach your promised land
When you feel lost and confused, close your eyes and take my hand
The fight for love is the mission as you prepare for today
My love that never fails, My love that’s here to stay!!”

I guess my questions were answered 🙂  I pray that you know his love and if you don’t I pray that you open your heart to receive him.  It will change your life!!